5 months

A new person

Tomorrow please God I will be going to visit the Niagara Falls for the first time. I’m going with my aunt and her friend. We are driving there from Scarborough, which is where we live. I have to wake up and be ready to leave the house at 8:30am. I don’t have an alarm because I sent my phone to fix today and I’m nervous that I won’t wake up in time. My aunt also seems to be a bit displeased with me and I’m not sure why. She told one of her friend’s on the phone that she had a long day and that she was tired hopefully that is it and not me. Up until a few moments ago I thought that tomorrow was also going to be the 26th of February. Knowing that it’s not sort of changes things but I’ll write this nonetheless. On the 26th February will be 5 months since I’ve given my life to Jesus. Five months since I asked Jesus into my life; opened the door that God had been knocking on. To be honest, I don’t know what is going on.

My friend who was there with me when I first believed told me that as a result there will be temptations. There were and I succumbed, like literally the very next day. In the beginning I knew that I was making the right decision but it was all very weird. I read the bible, I tried to change my ways sometimes but mostly I still sucked (hindsight) and I didn’t hear from God. Then one night I did, He said that He missed me. That was it, no more. It was enough for me though; I was really excited and felt good. I was getting better at following Jesus in some ways but mostly I continued to stuck and still do mostly. I was pretty excited because I thought that five months after accepting Jesus that I was going to be visiting a wonderful creation; turns out I’m not, I got my dates mixed up.

I have since left university and returned home to Trinidad, now I’m on vacation in Canada. Back at school I often got guidance from the Holy Spirit but back in Trinidad my life was very noisy and I rarely heard Him. Now I’m in Canada and I still rarely hear Him. I want to go and tell the Good News to others but I don’t know how to. I want to do what I ought to. I want to follow Jesus’ directions and instructions but I haven’t been.

When I die and God asks me what I did with my life right now my answer would most likely be that I wasted it. I did good deeds here and there. I didn’t go out and tell people of God’s great love for us or Jesus’ willing sacrifice, I didn’t always treat the least of us as I would Jesus nor did I always love my neighbour as myself. I didn’t always see that I am a wonderful creation of God and that He knows me in and out, my most private thoughts and more so the many fragments of thoughts that summarise my consciousness. I didn’t go where He lead me or listen out for Him in the quietness of my heart. I tried to do things that would please Him whenever I remembered or felt comfortable. Mostly though, I sat around being upset that I couldn’t connect with him. I read numerous other Christian books but I didn’t read the Bible as much. I was melancholy because I didn’t know where He was leading me. I know that He didn’t forget about me or not have a plan for me but I didn’t know where to make my next step.

As it is, five months later (almost) I am hoping that this pregnancy will soon end and that I am able to partake in this new life.
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.”  Corinthians 5:17

Here’s a picture of a sunset that I took. I hope you enjoy it.
Rushell
DSC_0350-002

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