“You’re way to young to be getting married!!!”
“It’s such a terrible idea!”
“Get stable first!”
Here’s a bit of a track record to set you straight. My grandmother got married at nineteen years old, had seven pregnancies and six children and by societies standards and possibly by her children’s standards as well, a failed marriage. After years of separation and heartache and after moving on, when my grandpa was dying of diabetes it was my grandmother who took him in and showed him the love that he needed at that time. My mother got married at twenty-one and had two kids, twenty-six years later mom remembered their anniversary but said nothing instead she bought cake, wine and cooked one of her everyday wonderful meals. Dad flat out forgot… as did my brother and I. After a long hard day at work daddy still stopped on the way of his two hours drive home to get mom’s favorite, fresh, caught-the-same-day jumbo shrimps. Their marriage is a testament to the fact that we are all imperfect beings and sometimes being an imperfect being is forgetting that you are in fact an imperfect being. They are both headstrong, adamant, hard working, go getting, loving, argumentative, imperfect people with double standards. Yet, they’ve both been married now for longer than they have lived as single people.
My granny was too young, so was my mom and my dad was just on the ‘okay line’. Neither had college degrees, nor houses, nor great incomes, mom gave up school in Canada to stay with dad… How dumb! Is it really though? In a perfect world she would have finished high school in Canada, then went onto university, possibly studying law or creative writing. Maybe if she went to university she would have published a book by now or might have become an established lawyer but she wouldn’t have what she has now and it’s not worth comparing. It’s not a perfect world, it is a broken one so her Canada plan might not have turned out as she expected or hoped anyway.
All of this to say, “CONGRATULATIONS!” If you’re young (25 and under) and you’ve decided to get married, then good for you! I wish you the greatest joys, I wish you the most sincere happiness, I wish you peace of God, I wish you compassion. I wish you perseverance. Mostly though, I wish that you keep God at the forefront of your marriage. I wish that you forgive the same way that you were forgiven. I wish the way that you love is a mirror of the love that you have received. I wish that you continue in your journey with Christ and not abandon it because of your new journey with your spouse. I wish that you don’t turn your spouse into an idol. I wish that you stand up for each other, that you comfort each other and reassure each other. I wish that when you’re filling in you’re relationship status on your documents that you remember to fill in ‘Married’ I hope you’re overjoyed to do so because even though it feels like you’ve been together for so long, you were legally ‘Single’.
I’m happy for you because although many people are telling you that you are too young, you’re making other commitments like student loans, degree choices, class choices, getting behind the wheel of a car, alcohol choices and drugs choices that are impacting the rest of your life as well in just as large of a way. When you took that loan you basically married yourself to a bank or to the government. So why can’t you do it with another human being? I’m happy for you because you are bold enough to believe in yourself. You are willing to work through everything and to grow with this person, to see disagreements for what they are and to be able to move past them.
You’re too young to know what you are doing! Maybe, but one day you’ll be too old to do what you want to do. I know this argument is overused but you can drive a car. That’s an activity that can end that same life they’re trying to ‘protect’ from marriage in a few seconds. You can go fight for your nation’s liberty and also end up dead. Remember though, that you are both infinite beings, you will both be around for all of eternity. It’s good to remember this when dealing with every person you meet but also with your spouse. Essentially, you would end up having the most influence in that person’s life, you are also most likely to witness them in all of their different states. Remember to remind them that there is hope. Remember in the heat of you listing their imperfections in the middle of an argument, that you have many as well. You’re young, not foolish nor ignorant. If you’re wrong humble yourself and apologize, seriously, don’t go to bed angry at each other. Please, remember to try to see the disagreement from the other person’s point of view, objectively. And after you’re done exchanging all of your ‘sweet nothings’, remember to listen to each other. Remember that you are both human and without answers for every occurrence. There’s no need to always have advice to give, sometimes knowing that someone actually listens to what you say can be the most relieving thing in the world.
That being said, know that you’re not going to live ‘Happily Ever After.’ That was a fable. Instead it should be, ‘They saw the hilltops and they saw the valleys and they learned from each hike and they will continue to learn and hike all of the days of the marriage.’ One day you might wake up and realize that you’re not in Kansas anymore but look to your side and see that you are not alone. In fact, ask around and you will see that you are less alone than you thought. Find a couple who’ve been around a little longer and talk to them, all four of you. I’m sure they’ll be glad to have some ‘youngans’ around and you’ll learn so much from them.
Create the environment that you would want your children to grow up in. Crete a family.
It’s late and I’m tired but there are some young folk around me who’ve taken this big step and I want to encourage them and love them because that is what they need. Even if they are already convinced, everyone can always do with some extra loving.
You are loved,