“I didn’t know I was broken ’til I wanted to change. With my wild past behind me, and the future before me, I don’t want to be that same guy (gal) who was losing my mind, an eighteen year old who didn’t know what loss was. I don’t want to waste away on a false love.
I wanna get better!”
Happy 1st year Great Perhaps! You’ve survived and outlasted the worldwide average lifespan of blogs, 3 months. It’s been awesome, although at times I would neglect you for weeks at a time, then come back to pour my heart out to ya. I started you because I love to write and it has been a while that I’ve wanted to have a functioning blog. To tell you the truth, you were not the first. Shocker, yeah I know. A few years ago I attempted to start a blogger.com blog but I never figured it out. Not much thought went into you, I thought about creating you then went back to my dorm room and created you. One year later, I still love having you around to empty my thoughts into.
A lot has happened since you were created. Obviously Rushell! An entire year has passed. Well, I started back learning to surf, I watched almost every sunset from on the hill, I studied, I cried my heart out a few good times, I made unsuspecting friends, I messed up good relationships that it would potentially take trips to three areas in California to see what’s up, I’m working on my habit of neglecting people. I got rid of some harmful relationships and I went to the beach as often as possible. I finished that first semester of university in Barbados, I made some big decisions across there, some of which I would regret (if I did that) and others that I’ve stuck to till this day. I said goodbye to friends that I made and hoped to see next semester, as well as to others that I’m not sure I will ever see them again. I did not go back to Barbados at the end of Christmas break.
I took a month at home handing with my friends and brother going on adventures and continuous beach days. In the meanwhile, my interest and love for photography was growing. As life and God would have it I was fortunate enough to come across a means to buy my first camera. I got a D3200 from Nikon, which was a tough decision between that and a Nikon D7100 but I figured that my first camera should not be a full frame professional camera that would have been a bit harder, as well as have to many options which would have complicated me learning the basics of photography. This is a decision that I’m honestly still reconsidering almost everyday but one thing that not going back to school has taught me is that you have to stick with the choices that you made, you made them for a reason and there is no benefit of lamenting past decisions.
Then I went to Canada for a month during their coldest winter in 20 years. It was a wonderful experience and I learned, grew and ached and froze a lot but diamonds are made under pressure. It was a dream come through and a eight year old promise fulfilled. I shared lots of shots with you from that experience. It was a wonderful time that ended with me heading to Grenada to meet my family and best friends who had sailed up. I decided to make a video of the time that we spent there. I went on to gain my PADI certification as a Recue Diver which means that the next step is the podium for me, Divemaster! I swam my first Open Water 3k in 1:26:11.
The past year has been a whirlwind of grasping opportunities and making my own luck, breaking free of my comfort zone. In the last year I’ve experienced some of the worst pain of my life. WordPress provided me with a blank canvas to express this pain, this joy, this love, this euphoria. Thank you WordPress, from the most sincere corner of my heart. Thanks to everyone of 695 of you that took the time to read this crazy teenage girl’s blog. I hope that at some point Great Perhaps made you smile, taught you something new, showed you a different perspective, was the reason why you gave me a call, or made you cry. Because this blog has made it easier for me to turn my feelings, dreams and thoughts into words. Into words that if my only option to express them was through spoken word, would still be tangled in my brain making me sick. Even the happy moments make me sick. I love the sunsets but they are also a reminder of how tangible we are, how short our existence is, how 20 years is only 7,304 days. Having this blog has helped me in so many ways and when I created it 365 days ago I had no clue that I had upon my fingertips a “whole new world”.
The Great Perhaps continues!
Follow me and within the next year you’d see me learn to speak Mandarin/Chinese, apply for universities for the fifth time in my life, start university for the second time in my life, start making short films and raise $30,000TT to sail in the ABERDEEN ASSET MANAGEMENT COWES WEEK 2015 upon the racing boat that I am presently part of the crew on, S/Y LEGACY, on an Island Record Setting trip and travel throughout Europe for approximately a month. Among of course, all of the regular things that I love to blog about, such as my thoughts as well as whatever comes my way.
With reference to the quote (Jack Antonoff) at the top of this blog (in case you haven’t realized) it refers to the past year and all of the changes that I have gone through, the lessons that I have learned, the work that is being done and the fact that in more ways than one,
“I WANNA GET BETTER!”
Much love and appreciation,