Dear Mr. Radio Announcer,
I hope you are having a fairly decent day already because I fear that this letter may not lift your spirits, however, I take pleasure in noting that most possibly it is not going to lower them either. This is simply a letter pertaining to that bone I was supposed to pick with you oh, so very long ago. Unfortunately, we never got the time as you were always arriving to the studio about one minute before your set started. Yes, I know. The person who you were supposed to relieve had no qualms about saying that you were running late… as per usual. And of course, as soon as your set was over you had to run off to a previously arranged gathering. You see, I would naturally keep waiting for sometime that you have an extra minute or two so that we can chat but unfortunately I now have to commute a minimum of forty minutes, more like an hour and a half with traffic which there is most days, to and from school, in addition to the fact that much of my work day is spent driving from here to there and up and down around the town, so seeing that we spend so much time together now I have no choice but to write a letter to you about some of the things that you should know.
Firstly, I’m not faithful to you. Yes, I’m not, in fact I’m blatantly not and I’m sorry about the fact that I am not sorry for my behavior, sort of. However, if you care to read further you would see my explanation and in my defense I think it is a darn good one.
You go on advertisements. Unfortunately that is how you pay your bills so therefore they are necessary, often however these advertisements were either played on the last break, or you cut halfway through my song to play said advertisement. As one would imagine, I am deeply sorrowful about such things and I am forced to commit the act that you constantly remind me that I should not do- I, ‘touch that dial.’ I change the station. I am put out of my temporary misery. Mr. Radio Announcer, if it makes you feel better the three of you who all generally play my favourite genres of music, yet all claim to be ‘different’ receive the same treatment from me so it is not just you alone. If I am lucky I can go half of an hour switching between the three of you without hearing a single advertisement and at those moments I feel as if I am on top of the world, I am the master DJ but then I too ultimately, fall from my throne as one song finishes early and I am bombarded with the now unfamiliar yet always foul sound of an advertisement. This is the truth, the whole truth. Ahh the relief from finally telling you has set me free of my chains! What a wonderful day it is!
Secondly, yet still equally important and possibly something that makes me less and less enchanted by you everyday, possibly because there truly is no reason for it, you talk through the song. Songs deserve life too- DON’T BUTCHER THEM!!. I’m sorry that I cannot find more compassion towards you in saying this but I hate when you start having a conversation as a song plays. Whether I enjoy the song or not it is immensely annoying. Either you completely stop the song to speak or you wait until the song is over to speak. Don’t play three words of the song, then say five words, play one word, you say seven words, play three words, then you speak eight. This is the single most annoying thing that you can do as a radio announcer, Mr. Radio Announcer. Please put me out of my misery and do not let your light bulb moments contaminate my song. Unless this is a very special song, in which case I become infuriated yet continue to listen because as I mentioned earlier- I like the song, I immediately switch stations and possibly would not return to your radio show until either of the other two stations resort to pay their bills by the method stated in my first point. So please, be a darling and speak before the beginning, or at the end of a song.
Lastly but yet again of equal importance, the only time I really don’t mind hearing you speaking for extended periods of time is for traffic updates which besides the music are my favourite things about your radio station. They are the most useful aspect of any radio station and when you give alternate routes you make my hour. During rush hour however, if you do this you would certainly make my day. For this I thank you. However, if I want to read celebrity gossip- which I don’t- I’d go online for that, if I want to hear the entire news programme, I’ll go onto the news station! If perhaps I want to know about the latest developments in the smart phone world, I would Google it. I don’t want to hear these things while I’m stuck in traffic and would much rather the sound of my car radio numbing out the frustration that I feel or the anger from the eighth bad drive I received within the past half hour.
Failing you taking notice and adapting your practices my car radio will be streaming 8Tracks and I will hear none of your advertisements. I will be free of you butchering my songs and unfortunately I will hear none of your traffic updates. Lucky for me however, I will simply download the ‘WAZE’ app and have the same information that you possess as well. In addition, I will no long be subject to the ear worm advertisements that fill the airways leaving your studio.
While I really appreciate your mixes I hope that you do take into consideration my suggestions. Until next time my friend, Mr. Radio Announcer.
My Truck Radio and I