The last time I wrote on here, which was a few days ago, I was on my way to a really bad and dark place, it was painful and left me without energy as these things usually do but a few days have passed since and I feel a lot better, I feel like an entirely different person compared to that other girl last week, almost.
Today I was tinkering around the blog adding Widgets and such when I realised just how sad that last post was and that I actually do not feel that way anymore. Upon further investigation I realised that most of my problems then were either solved or on their way to being solved. Others still loomed in the rafters but for the most part the forecast was much more pleasant this time around. With that said I decided that I should give you an update. Be mindful though, this update is an after result of a weekend of introspection, reflection, a lot of praying and on more scientific grounds the chemicals in my body seem to be dancing more agreeably for the moment.
Beginning with the weather, unlike in Canada the weather has remained the same: cold for the tropics, cold for me- 25°C which is a ten degree difference and a big deal for my joints. It still rains everyday but there have been some clear skies. On the university front I’m still going ahead and applying to do Communication and either English/International Relations, my best friend and I are both applying so that would be completed on Friday after this week of exams. Out into the Atlantic Ocean, seas have calmed considerably, we heard from the Captain on my brother’s vessel; they are safe and did their first set for tuna yesterday. Still no update about their water tank leaking and the water maker breaking down but I suppose that they have fixed that problem.
On the Rousseau premises and more particularly my bedroom (which was not ‘filthy’), mom and I have come to a decision to tidy it up and move around the furniture this weekend. Hopefully mom will be pleased with it after that. Into me now ahaha, I still have not gone for the blood test but mom has to go for one before her surgery/procedure on the 9th December so I will go do mine by then. We feel comfortable doing blood tests at two different hospitals so we will go to different ones but still make it a date.
Beyond the Rousseau premises: ‘Trinidad and Tobago’s ‘Most Wanted’ was caught and is now in police custody on charges of: kidnapping, rape, assault and murder. Good job policemen!! The crime level is still sickening though; a German couple was murdered on a beach in Tobago- extremely disturbing! So we now have a new ‘Most Wanted’.
For the future Rushell- I prayed, I prayed about the future husband, for him if he exits, for his family, his siblings if he has any, his relationship with his mother, the church around him, his ability to discern, the social impacts of his friends, that they may positively influence each other for the most part and for the most important things as well. I prayed for his protection and safe-keeping and for his goals and will. I prayed for our marriage. Growing up my grandmother always insisted that my brother and I prayed for our future spouses. I never saw the need to before but now I see that it is a necessity and granted that we may not have met already- he is coming with a whole 20 years of existence of influences, be they negative or positive. Seeing the world around me I think we need to be praying for all of our teens, tweens, young adults around us because of the environment that they are exposed to. So now I see reason to and I do. Future husband and children ‘offspring’ hahaha as I would always jokingly say- I’m praying for you lot if you exist or are to exit one day.
Skipping my present and back to the past, I realise that there is always going to be a part of me that would look back fondly at the wonderful times that I experienced in Barbados. That is just a part of me now, my soul is connected there, as it is to Grenada and Harbour Town Marina, Ft. Lauderdale and Tobago and all of these places that I’ve lived or visited. Everyday I think about Barbados because aside from all of the terrible things that should never have happened there were also many grand experiences that I should be thankful for. I have to remind myself though, almost as often, that I lived that experience already and now it is behind me, I’m onto new things.
Still in the past… I sent out the photos that had to be sent out and my computer still barely works but hopefully next year please God I will get a new one. I also searched Instagram for ‘bible hashtags’ and found a few that I liked, contacted the people and found out about their bibles (resourceful right?!) so now there is one in my Amazon cart but I still do not know if I will take it as yet. Speaking of the Amazon cart… I still have to ship my things.
Landing in my present now, I know that I am slipping and I’m just praying about this depression as well as accepting that it is just part of who I am right now, as painful as that is. At least until I get my thyroid all put together again, quite unlike Humpty Dumpty. Maybe having gone down this part will either prepare me for something later in life or give me the ability to help someone else in their struggle with the hell that is depression. Fortunately it isn’t really all bad with my brain and thoughts; I’m convinced that I should start a business selling ideas and plans because my brain works like a constant drawing board: planning, brainstorming and researching, it is a beautiful yet tiring thing.
All in all I am content and not presently in that fissure. God is with me and I draw closer to Him through reading his word. Same quote from last week though because it most definitely helps with my sanity: “All things are meaningless.”
I love you,