THOUGHTS: Don’t Have Dreams

Night time dreams are fine. Have those.
Dreams that keep you up researching, reading books, reading blogs, thinking, drawing, planning, budgeting. Don’t have those.

Don’t have those because they are frustrating.

They take time to accomplish. They are often expensive. They might require a specific group of people of which you may know none.

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If you’ve had this dream since you were a kid and it is something that you wish to do in adulthood it is worse. You have to spend time pining and wishing but you are so many years away from doing it.

And alas! As you reach what you think is adulthood. They say 18 but I’m not sure. You finally realise that 1. you have no money because you’ve spent it on cameras and courses and 2. if you have the chance at a *free* university education, you shouldn’t pass it up. So add on three or four years to that dream will you.  Two more if you decide to drop out of university the first time you attempt it and take a year and a half ‘Gap Year.’

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Dreams are dangerous things.

I dream of sailing on my own little 28 foot sailboat around the Caribbean and anywhere I wish to wander. I’ve had this dream for over a decade. A lovely little dream it is. I’ve sailed, built miles, learned a bit of the stars (thanks mom & uncle Reggie), I’ve even owned my own sailing dinghy (thanks mom & dad). Yet, this dream is still so far from being achieved.

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Perhaps it is because school is on break and I have four months- just over three now, until it resumes and I have no job, I’ve been thinking about my little boat to be and me, everyday, for hours at a time. I’ve read so many blogs and I’m reading one of the best sailing books (with the most boring writing) that I own to learn more about handling boats and what one may expect upon moving aboard full time.

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I think I’ve teared up about four times over the last week and a half whilst reading sailing girls’ blogs on life aboard their little boats. I want to be out there, I want to have my own little boat. I want to clean the bilge and fasten hatches. I want to listen to the sound of the waves lapping on the hull. I want to sail. I want to pick up a hitchhiker and fulfill someone else’s dream but for now I’m waiting and it is frustrating and borderline depressing (especially since I already have tendencies to get depressed.)

I want to crew with someone this summer but unless they are leaving from Trinidad I can’t join them- that would require excess money that I don’t have.

So I’m at square one, planing future trips for my small business to create some sort of capital to start with, while the mayhem that is life right now goes on.

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Don’t dream.
Unless you want to be frustrated until you attain it.
Because you will be.
Years will pass,
But since you have dreamed.
You can’t give up.

To me and my little sailboat to be,
Rusharella

 

 

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