THOUGHT & PIXELS: The Two Fires Inside

Creating space.

Crow’s Pose / Bakasana

Apparently there is a light at the end of the tunnel. To me it seems like a fable. Every light that I see and run to flickers bright then outs.
Surrounded by darkness I’ve started upon a journey to create some light, to define my space in this universe.

My heart has been full of hatred and I’ve cried everyday for the last week and a day. I’m lost for how people can have no integrity, no love for their fellowmen, only thoughts for themselves. I’ve thought so many negative, horrid thoughts, so, so unusual for me. I’ve been terrible. The only thing I have tried to do is harness that hate instead of passing it on to others who are undeserving of it.


Down in the bottom of this pit, I’ve started a fire. Unfortunately it is fueled with hatred and thoughts of revenge- in the meanwhile it engulfs me. Yet out of evil, out of darkness, light can be born-pure white light.


Every night whilst we rubbed sticks to make a fire I found myself challenging myself. Honestly I don’t remember how it started, it just did and every night I went back at it.

Asleep for most of the day and spending my nights by the sea under the stars a new light began to emerge. This new light was not bright nor brilliant. Just an ember really.

This light wasn’t fueled by my hatred or anger, this light only expanded in that state of deep silence of mind. This light required a vacuum, void of any thought and every thought to expand. I spent more and more time here and it grew. It is still growing and the challenge continues.


The other fire still has fuel, lots and lots of fuel but I want to believe that one day it will be no more.

In the meanwhile, I wish to let this pure light engulf me. Along this journey time and clarity of mind reap results.



I’m not in control but am I really ever?


This one is for Meiling: her encouragement and guidance and willingness to share her knowledge on all things yoga is very much appreciated. Here’s her favorite pose above. Thank you Moooling!

I started practising Bakasana (see the top picture) about two weeks ago and then I stopped but in this last week it has become a meditation for me. With some guidance and with much reading tonight I was able to get into a supported Bakasana for the first time. In focusing for Bakasana I have created a little white light, ‘the other fire’. As the hate fueled fire burns and continues to burn -for I cannot simply shut off my feelings forever (I tried- didn’t work) this other fire will one day engulf it.

These top three pictures are all poses that have come to me in the last week that I could not do before.

In addition to Bakasana, I had a long, brilliant and challenging sail alone that I used to create space in my mind. Sailing is such a beautiful activity. It can be described as commensalism if my boat and I were parasites. We use they wind, it carries us and we do not harm it.

I was in a peaceful place as I hiked out and sailed around every headland in view and reach before the sunset. I have no pictures but there is a brilliant showreel in my head.

Only and wonderfully matter,
Rusharella ❤


4 thoughts on “THOUGHT & PIXELS: The Two Fires Inside

  1. Excellent! That feeling of sailing alone, snorkeling, diving, being in the forest alone or maybe just sitting behind a piece of furniture, a back step or a storeroom where no one expects you to be: is a sanctuary known by few.
    The new flickering ember of peace must come closer and closer to your inner spirit; close enough to send away the ball of fire fueled by the the persons that ignited it…… that they can live within their flames of negative energy.
    No! Because of the pain; it is not easy to let go. But we have to in order to continue being who we are so that we do not become a product of these persons negative energies.
    The butterfly uses the wind much like a sailor; hoping to arrive at a better place.
    Even if the better place is the same dock we left a few hours ago; the change would have taken place in our soul, spirit and our peace of mind while we were in our special sanctuary.
    Even in darkness; Always seek to find inner peace. When we find that inner peace is when we are closest to GOD; not in some church.
    May gentle breezes always fill your sails enough to leave hatred and negativity in your wake sweet princess.


  2. Glad you’re finding and feeding the light, Rushes. The other thing will consume you if you let it, and then ‘they’ would have won. ‘They’ must not win. The world is full of ugliness and evil, but as you know, it is also filled with beauty and goodness. Focusing on the good is often a challenge, but I know you’re up to it. A friend who was going through some mess shared a piece of Zen wisdom with me, and I’ve had it on one of those stickies on my desktop for years: “Be both the river and the crocodile.” Namaste.


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