“and they lived happily ever after.”
If you were a little girl who grew up in the Western world, you have read that line countless times. Over time, along with other influencers, you formed an image of a mysterious phenomena called, ‘forever’.
‘Forever’ was never solitary, it was spent with a special other person. It became a standard. In fact, it was the goal of relationships to last ‘forever‘. This idea was not only for girls, but packaged differently, it was sold to boys.
And I must assume that there is some biological system that encourages this yearning for ‘forever‘. That being said, I know that is part of who we are as a species and it aids significantly in forming relationships that perpetuate the existence of your kind. Yet, it is not a very realistic goal. It isn’t attainable because you would not have attained it until you had achieved forever in your life at which point you would be dead… What bliss it must be to be with that person for the rest of your life until your dying day. So many who set out on that journey do not make it, some don’t make it very far at all.
That is OKAY! Not all relationships were made for a ‘forever‘. Sometimes you meet someone and it is great and you have a wonderful time, and you never see each other again and soon you will see that that is okay because you had that very precious time that you were together. Sometimes it is obvious that you are to grow apart. Then there are other times.
There are other times when it can go both ways, there are times that you meet someone and they light up the world, you spend all night/afternoon/day/weekend with them, in a club/hostel/concert/sailboat/regatta/beach and each moment is like a breath of fresh air. Sparks are every where.
I remember lying down in a park one full moon with one of the most easily lovable people on the Earth and thinking of how happy I was in those few hours with that person and in the same thought, how unsustainable that euphoria was.
You can choose to trade contacts and promise to keep up but the likeliness of that magic moving forward is greatly unlikely. Sometime after living with exchange students that I really connected with in 2013, I found this written on a Thought Catalogue post, “Some things are better left short and unadulterated; it is what it is and what it was is perfect.”
(I found that post in the middle of the night with a face sticky from tears because of the realisation that these folks who became like sisters and brothers to me will be leaving soon and it was so unlikely that we would be together in a similar way again. That quote pulled together so many of my thoughts and I found some peace
I wish that more people can understand this concept, I wish more people can understand that something does not need to last to be wonderful and fulfilled. That when you try to hold onto a match the spark eventually dies out faster than you think it would have. When a shooting star passes embrace the moment, don’t hunt down the light until you find that what you are looking for is a space rock a few millimeters wide. A space rock and a shooting star are two very different feelings.
In the last four months I’ve had two shooting star days/nights with two different people and rather than enjoy the grandeur of the shooting star, against my desire they insisted in attempting to perpetuate it and well, the shooting star feeling became quite, umm, two millimeter wide space rock like eventually. And that totally sucks because they would have been wonderful shooting star memories but they’ve been tarnished. Or dimmed at least.
Not everyone that you meet, connect to and light a spark with needs to get your number, of full name for Facebook, nor your Whatsapp or email. Sometimes, and more often than not, try to be satisfied with the shooting star, live entirely in the moment and feel the emotions as you walk away from each other for the last time with a very low chance of meeting again. Just live.
Longer is not synonymous to better. We are more excited looking shooting stars than at the sun.
For now, not forever,
Ps. Sometimes, sometimes getting the numbers and all of those things work out but there is almost a 100% chance that you’re going to soil whatever it was you shared with this special someone. Sometimes it is a lot easier if you are only friends.