I always seem to write on this blog when there is something else that I should be doing. Tonight, (this morning, idk.. it’s 1:28am) I should be working on my other blog, the “real one”, the blog I’ve been putting at least 60% of my brain towards (of that 10% of our brains that we actually use). I should also be sleeping as my mom just texted me from one room away to say. I’ve got a safety at sea course tomorrow morning but for now, I just want to say a little something about goals.
Not the football/Waterpolo ones. The ones that we neglect because we do not have sufficient time. Or the ones we pursue for a while, then lay to rest. You know them, you have those goals too. For me, those goals are simple: sail and travel. However, like most of us, I was having trouble making them a reality. (Read: things take time)
Anyway! Thanks to Tumblr pictures of cute bedrooms and DIY projects, I felt compelled to ‘decorate’ my room a few years ago. I got some pictures printed and strung up with cord and clothespins (It’s a thing). Then I went a bit further. I created a stencil and decided that I put one of my favourite quotes on the wall. The plan was to use some of those Tumblr photos that I printed and to cut the letters out of them.
Said quote was one of my favourites, here it is:
“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”
It is from Sarah William’s book Twilight Hours. I’ve never read the book but this quote was on every third teenager’s Tumblr page at the time. You see, I’ve discovered that I’m what one would describe as a “Highly Sensitive Person”. That would take two years worth of blogging at this pace to properly explain. However, what you get from it at face value shouldn’t be too far off.
I ran to my parent’s room when I had nightmares well into my twenties. If I have one in a week’s time, I’d do no different. The things that my mind conjures, along with PTSD from a gun robbery and anther incident I’m not yet ready to share, plus (less so now) crippling anxiety, often leaves me stunned. Bad dreams are one thing but waking up in the middle of an anxiety attack which then continues… WTF!?!
Yet, on the other hand, I have sailed under new moon skies. I have seen more than one hundred shooting stars in a single night. I have watched the moon rise and set and now I’m left with seemingly endless mental photo albums of magnificent nights.
So, it perplexed me that that which would bring me so much joy would also bring me, abundant terror. (I was a couple years younger, now I understand that this is how life works… what fills you also hurts you). As such, I decided that this quote would hang above my bed.
Only, even after stencilling and cutting out all of the letters, I didn’t get the exact clothespins I wanted to hang up the quote. In the meanwhile, I did a different project. It’s been four years now but I remember it so well. I decided that I’d stick one word onto my walls. I cut it out, like the others from the pictures. Then I rolled some tape and stuck the letters in as close to a straight line as possible without being certain (and you know, measuring!)
I didn’t realise and it wasn’t my intention but that one word was the first thing I’d see when entering my room. It was at one of the highest points of my room. It was neat and beautifully done. It was a simple word with nothing explanatory to assist. Depending on how I rearranged the furniture in my room, it would be directly above or opposite my bed. In some ways, it “became a piece of the furniture” and I didn’t really notice it anymore.
Then, this summer, in late June I moved back to Trinidad from France where I’d spent the last nine months. Upon arriving home and walking into my room, I instantly saw the six letters and was immediately overcome with gratefulness and a sense of realisation.
There are these things called “vision boards”. I don’t know if they’re a new thing, or if they’ve been around since the hippie days. In any case, they are boards or pages where you put words, photos, clippings, stickers, etc. of things you want to achieve. They’re all the rage! Beach bum, hippie that I am, I still never managed to make one myself. In fact, they’re one of those “hippie things” which make me so uncomfortable. They’re usually accompanied by quotes or statements from people who used vision boards to achieve their goals large and small alike.
I suppose this is the part in which I apologise to the people I’ve silently judged in the past.
My word was “travel“.
To be clear, I’ve been travelling since I was six months old. However, since putting up this word on my walls three years ago, I’ve experienced the world and life through travelling in a manner beyond my dreams. I’ve lived, studied and worked abroad for the better part of the last three years. I won scholarships, I met amazing people, fell in love with cities and I experienced life richly.
I think it would be foolish to say that somehow, even if subconsciously, reading and seeing that word every day didn’t impact my life. So now, I’m going to put a new word on my mind. I’ve travelled, now my plan has come to fruition. I have an old goal that I’d like to achieve in 2020.
I think it should get a spot on the wall.
What’s your “goal”? Do you have a vision board? Do you believe that these things work?
Let me know down below.